That Drifting Poo Was Way Too Meaningful! These Are the Television Letdowns of the Past Year.
As we consider the TV landscape of the recent year, a handful of shows emerge not for their excellence, but for their spectacular failures. Ranging from awkward spin-offs to confusingly bad documentaries, here are the productions that had us scratching our heads or simply reaching for the remote.
And Just Like That
How to start with this love/hate spin-off? Burdened with woeful scripts, painful character development (justice for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the series struggled to justify its existence. For a moment, as the third series started, it seemed as if it had at last hit its stride. Then came an installment all about Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the creator declared this would be the last season. It ended on a low point; the lingering shot of Miranda’s loo full of poo was just way too symbolic. Still, viewers undeniably found joy dissecting every single “what on earth?” episode. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – danced around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't let out a little sob?
The Kim Kardashian Drama
‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? The answer is a resounding no.’
But that was almost the smallest of this show's issues. The subject of a very rare zero star review, it was difficult to know where to start enumerating the problems. The laughably wooden dialogue? The mind-numbing veneration of wealth and materialism? The seemingly deliberate parade of tropes? Acting so poor they felt borderline spiteful? Suffice it to say “each and every one” and never speak of this show again. However, a new season has been commissioned, so we’re likely going to have to.
AKA Charlie Sheen
Given the legal troubles, domestic violence claims and fatherly failures, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not you’d really have gleaned it from this multi-part docuseries which chuckled along at Sheen’s various bouts of reckless excess while struggling to tell us anything we didn’t already know. Rather, it felt as if this loose cannon was being pandered to, so any sympathy this series might evoke should be saved for the people who have had to endure proximity with this charismatic but dismissive egotist.
The Iris Affair
Of course we understood it was preposterous from the outset: a drama about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or annihilate all of humanity. We persevered out of sheer love for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One scarcely cared when his character died, and the other ultimately hacking Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. Talk about admitting defeat.
MobLand
Shady figures meeting in empty boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its crime drama back.
In truth, that is harsh on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many seem a bit dated now, but at least they didn’t suffer the ignominy of having to accommodate unconvincing dialects. But there were many other issues. Primarily that it was just profoundly dull; a conflict over drug-selling territory between various London rogues which felt rather simplistic.
The Meghan Markle Series
Given the degree to which she grinds the gears of certain performatively angry commentators, it’s almost tempting to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s various forays into quaint lifestyle as deliberate provocations. But then you watch them and are forced to admit that actually, they might have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle magazine animated; a poster for wine o’clock with ideas of grandeur; a parade of sleeping dogs, humming beehives, Hallmark platitudes and pointless crafting “tips” you’ll forget instantly. All underpinned by immense, largely unearned wealth. Ugh.
Victoria Beckham
There are obviously interesting things to be discussed about both Victoria Beckham and her struggles with vocation, identity, self-acceptance. But for whatever reason, this three-part series chose not to explore them. Instead, the viewing was like reading a sales catalogue. She clearly has every right to bridle at what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But sadly, she didn’t do herself any favours with this guarded letdown of a series.
The Game Show
It should have been the next big hit – except even more extravagant, with a glamorous star as a deceased benefactor and a sharp-tongued personality managing her estate. What more could you ask for? As players battled it out, there was plenty of betrayal and arguing. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s even now too confusing to explain what precisely was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw glimpses of the star via filmed videos. The show ended up reeking of a programme that was straining desperately to emulate something far greater than it.
Too Much
How do you succeed a show that defined a generation? The pressure was enormous for this starry romantic comedy about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who lands in London with a shattered romance. The star seized the opportunity by the horns and was joyous to watch, reveling in Austen levels of romantic ideals. But it was all very slick and, paradoxically, was insufficient. Plus, the abundance of celebrity friends involved felt uncomfortable.
The Sketch Show Return
Not good enough to be ‘patchy’.
Given the smart recruitment of gifted emerging comics, expectations were high. But sadly, most of it fell flat. A particular sketch was a one-note joke stretched to a dry pulp but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a familiar irate mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, in contrast, simply inspired the thought that they should probably have remained in there a while longer.
The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox
This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively showcased the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an interesting drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The subject matter needed to be treated with care. Instead, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right voice, lumbering from oddly breezy, somewhat mannered farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Twisted? Perhaps. A complete mess? Very much so.
Prime Target
We admire the lead actor … but did we believe him playing the greatest maths genius in history, a man so intelligent he’s on the brink of a breakthrough that could destabilise society? No! This globe-trotting thriller about secret services spying on – and eliminating – intellectuals frankly got more farcical by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.
The Bonnie Blue Documentary
This hagiography followed the online personality renowned for explicit exploits as she prepared for her biggest feat yet. What on earth would possess her? What we craved was far greater examination of her actual psyche, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have spoken to the now-famous mum who appeared to drag her son away from the queue. What we got was horrific imagery and absolutely no interrogation of her infamy whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the documentary-maker has a young daughter too.
